Ok for real. I just wanted to thank everyone who has urged me on to this point. Yeah I have been holed up in the apartment for the better part of a week now. Also have gotten to another level with drawing skill, and done a painting that seems pretty awesome to me.
Yeah been pissed of some of the time which is kind of normal, and that fuels the creative process along like a weird choochoo. I’ve gotten some people bent at me for being to strange, violent, and sexual. Yeah… Better that it comes out like this than harming someone in real life, or harming myself. Not sure that people get that, or that I really truly honestly hate lies. They make me crazy, well more crazy that I am already. It’s kind of a pain in the ass to be honest, loyal, and try to be good. Seems like it is worth it in the end though.
I have been afraid while drawing, most of all recently. Sometimes finding myself having a mouse of fear deep in the pit of my stomach because of the ideas that are being passed from mind to hand. It’s not the concentration of drawing that makes me scared, it is the disturbances of old and new hurts that are being pushed to the surface.
Things don’t always turn out the way I want them to. Sometimes things will take a huge swerve, and that isn’t always such a bad thing. I was sitting alone like almost always this morning having a cup of coffee and thinking how many other people out there are drawing, singing, painting, sculpting, just making art, or crafting. It’s fucking amazing and wonderful. Humbling, and crazy thrilling to think of. It’s the same kind of rush as the feeling of first love, or being totally free, as being scared and still swimming alone for the first time.
I’m still alone, still a rejected freak, but damn well throwing my banner up as a freak who might be thought of as violent, strange, morbid, angry, lazy, or just full of bullshit. I still want a woman to love, to share it all with, to feel that warm crazy glow with. Maybe she feels the same way. I really damn well hope that there is still alot of good out there. That i’m part of the good.
This has turned into a tv miniseries right here instead of thank you note to everyone who has been sending likes, making comments, giving suggestions, and sometimes not saying a damn thing. This power of creation is part of the real magic of life, even the disturbing twisted stuff. Fuck me sounding like I know a thing or two huh?
Have a good one you all.